


101 days of loving him

by zhuzhubi



Category: Criminal Minds (US TV)
Genre: Angst, F/M, Gen, Implied/Referenced Sexual Assault, Kidnapping, No Major Character Death, Sex Trafficking, Sort of case fic, but nothing graphic really, long-term captivity, since its reader perspetive
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-25
Updated: 2020-07-25
Packaged: 2021-03-05 06:14:43
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,009
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25499683
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/zhuzhubi/pseuds/zhuzhubi
Summary: You almost let a quick 'love you' slip out, but catch it at the last second. You want it to be special when you tell him, not just something that slips out in passing, and anyway you’re not even official yet. It’s only been a few weeks since you’ve started trying out this dating thing, and it’s just been coffee or dinner or a movie. You two have been dancing around attraction practically since you met, but still.It’s too soon....(or, reid gets kidnapped before reader has a chance to tell him she loves him)
Relationships: Spencer Reid/Reader
Comments: 2
Kudos: 54





	101 days of loving him

**Author's Note:**

> a request fill from my tumblr, @zhuzhubii if you want to make a request

Day -776:

_Everyone, this is SSA (y/n), she just transferred to our team from Intelligence._

_Hi, I’m Dr. Spencer Reid, I’m looking forward to working with you_ , a tall, brunette man says, giving you a cute frog-like smile and a little wave.

 _It’s nice to meet you, Dr. Reid_ , you reply.

…

Day -2:

_Have fun at the seminar tomorrow!_

_Oh thanks, I’m sure I will,_ his face flushes and he takes a breath, _Can we maybe do this dinner thing again next weekend? We aren’t moving too quickly, are we?_

_Spencer, I’d love to, we aren’t going too fast at all_

_Good, good, I’m looking forward to it_

_See you Monday_

You almost let a quick _love you_ slip out, but catch it at the last second. You want it to be special when you tell him, not just something that slips out in passing, and anyway you’re not even official yet. It’s only been a few weeks since you’ve started trying out this dating thing, and it’s just been coffee or dinner or a movie. You two have been dancing around attraction practically since you met, but still. 

It’s too soon.

… 

Day 1:

Spencer’s late for work, which almost never happens but, _hey, maybe his alarm didn’t go off or something_. Then, hours pass and he doesn’t show up at all. His phone is going straight to voicemail, and everyone is worried. 

When Garcia tries to track his cell you learn it’s been turned off, and your stomach drops. He just got a new phone and he’s notoriously obtuse about technology - you’re positive he hasn’t figured out how to power it down yet. And even if he had, he wouldn’t’ve - your job makes it necessary to be constantly reachable. 

The last location it pinged at is near Georgetown, where you know he’d attended a seminar the day before (he’d gushed to you about it all last week - _(y/n), (y/n)! I was invited to give a lecture about geographic profiling at a seminar this weekend, I’m so excited!_ ). 

He never even made it home.

…

Day 2:

You want to cry because no witnesses are coming forward and the abduction wasn’t caught on CCTV. There’s footage of him leaving the lecture hall, then he steps out of range of the cameras and doesn’t reappear. 

These are the worst types of cases, because there’s nothing to go off of. No crime scene or abduction site ~~or dump site~~ ( _no don’t think about that he’s gonna be fine we’re gonna get him back_ ).

You, the team that is, look into victimology, but it’s not very helpful with only a single data point. It might be related to the BAU, but he was abducted from somewhere outside of his normal routine, and very few people knew he’d be there (his name wasn’t even on the list of lecturers, just _Applying Comfort Zones to Suspect Identification_ with no accreditation - you checked) and the unsub hasn’t tried to make contact. It’s seeming more and more likely he was a victim of opportunity, and without any other missing persons matching his general description there’s not much to profile. 

This is the part where you’d usually look at each other with _I hate to say it, but we need more data_ written on your faces, but none of you can bear to think like that.

He’s alive, he has to be, and you’re going to get him back.

…

Day 10:

No new evidence has arisen and the higher-ups are ordering the team to resume taking other cases. You want to cry, but you don’t. Instead, you knock everything off of your desk in frustration and let out a shout (and nobody says anything about it because they hurt too, they’re frustrated and angry and so so heartbroken too, if only in a slightly different way) before forcing calmness and marching into the conference room.

There are still unsubs to catch and victims to rescue.

(Just not the ones you really want to be spending your time on)

…

Day 23:

There’s an unidentified victim that matches his description, and you volunteer to be the one who visits the ME because you just have to be sure.

It’s not him, and you’re relieved. And you feel almost sick that you’re relieved because this man may not be _your_ Spencer, but he’s someone else’s. 

He has a family and a sobbing girlfriend once Garcia manages to ID him, and all you can feel is relieved he’s a stranger.

… 

Day -328:

_You’re an old man now, Spencer_

_What!? I am not, you take that back_

_Olllld man_

Agh! he pounces on you, initiating a tickle fight that lasts until both of your sides are sore from all the laughter. Lying on the floor of his apartment, chocolate cake on the coffee table and Jean-Luc Piccard in the background, you wish him a _happy birthday, Spencer_

… 

Day 37:

Today’s his birthday. You were going to surprise him with a stargazing trip and a telescope because he’s been interested in astronomy lately.

You imagine him looking at the stars in awe, saying _look, look (y/n)! It’s the Sagittarius constellation, and oh! If the conditions are right we might be able to see Mars!_ , rocking on his heels and making wild gestures with his hands the way he does when he’s excited. You imagine bringing him back to your place, after, and feeding him (too many) cupcakes, wiping frosting off his nose and cuddling on the couch. Telling him _I love you, Spencer Reid_ because maybe you haven’t been together for very long, but you imagine by his birthday you’d have made it official. 

And you know you love him, and you need him to know you love him.

(He can’t _go_ without knowing you love him)

…

Day -56:

_Hey, (y/n), we should do a partner costume for Halloween!_

_Spencer, it’s July!_

_Exactly! We only have 97 days left until Halloween, that’s barely anytime at all to come up with a good costume!_

…

Day 40:

He’s missing Halloween, and you’re sobbing over tiny pumpkins in the supermarket. The other shoppers are giving you concerned glances (or outright staring, how rude) but you can’t bring yourself to care because Spencer ~~would’ve loved~~ would love them, if he were here.

Henry dressed up like him again and asked _where’s Uncle Spence?_ while all of you looked at him with teary eyes.

_I wish I knew, Henry, I wish I knew._

…

Day -126:

He’s been really interested in fractals lately _(isn’t it just amazing how many things in nature arrange themselves in fractals? I was reading the other day about river deltas and the patterns they make, did you know…_ ), so you download an app on your iPad that allows him to see the Mandelbrot set and zoom in and in and in and keep seeing the same patterns. He thinks it’s the coolest thing ever, keeps bringing the iPad over to your desk to show you new parts of the fractal that look the same as the parts he’s already shown you (precisely _because_ they look the same as the parts he’s already shown you).

It makes you so happy to see him enjoying himself so much (so much that he’s playing with an _iPad_ \- you never thought you’d see the day).

And you’re not dating, not yet, but it’s the first time you look at him and think _I love you._

…

Day 64:

It’s Thanksgiving and it’s been two-to-the-sixth days since Spencer’s been missing. You refuse to celebrate without him, so you ignore everyone who tries to call you and curl up on the couch, watching Doctor Who and pretending he’s just in the other room, he’s coming right back.

You’re not very good at pretending.

…

Day -632:

Floor 6 decided to do a Secret Santa this year, and Spencer’s yours. You’ve known him for less than half a year, but the collection of funny little desk toys he got for you is so thoughtful and so perfect and so _you_. 

You weren’t his Secret Santa, but you bring him a donut everyday for the next week - chocolate frosted with sprinkles, which you know is his favorite - and set up the toys on your desk where they’re easily visible, so he’ll know you like them.

… 

Day 93:

You see happy couples and cute families together, bundled up against the snow and reveling in the festive air. You never got to do those things with him, and with every day that passes it gets harder and harder to keep believing you ever will.

The holiday season is miserable alone.

…

Day 98:

You get called out to Boston after _two women dead in the past week - when we ran their prints for identification we learned they’re a college student and a graduate student reported missing over 6 months ago from Pittsburgh and Indianapolis, respectively. Both families said they had no reason to be up here in Massachusetts._

They were both last seen on their University campuses, and it’s eerie the way they disappeared - there on the cameras one second, only to step out of range and never reappear. Whoever abducted them clearly knew where the abduction wouldn’t be seen. It’s seeming more and more likely that’s why they were picked - they happened to walk into a blindspot at the wrong time and fit a certain aesthetic type. Because they have almost nothing in common except their conventional beauty (and even then, they’re pretty different - both slim and with big eyes, but one is petite and the other on the tall side, one Latina and the other Scandinavian). 

Both were skinnier than when they went missing, but not to the point of deliberate starvation - whoever was holding them captive wanted them alive. Which begs the question of why they were killed. It wasn’t an accident - both were shot execution style to the back of the head. There were obvious signs of sexual assault, as well as ligature marks both fresh and scarred over, but not to the degree you’s expect from someone kept in restraints for over 6 months. The unsub probably has some sort of cell or cage he’s keeping them in most of the time, only restraining them when he takes them out to assault them. 

When the semen samples come back from the labs showing multiple perpetrators, you realize this is probably some sort of sex trafficking or sexual slavery operation, and you call in the Sex Crimes division for assistance. 

…

Day 100:

With the help of both Sex Crimes and Garcia’s filtering program, you manage to identify three more girls who disappeared in a similar way from University campuses across the East Coast in the last year. These girls are likely still alive, though with the killing of the first two there’s no telling how much longer that will last. You can only hope your unsubs haven’t picked up a taste for murder. 

…

Day 101:

The break in the case comes when another girl goes missing - this time a young professor (one who looked much younger than her actual age) from Boston University. It still wasn’t caught on camera, but there’s a witness who saw the abduction from the window of a nearby building. He called 911, very distressed he wasn’t able to reach her in time. Either way, he was able to get a picture of the unsub’s van, from which Garcia was able to pull a partial plate. It leads you straight to the primary unsub, who owns a very large, secluded property on the outskirts of Boston he is somehow affording with no official income. Definitely your guy.

You have no idea how many captives he has - there are very likely more you weren’t able to identify - or how many of the unsubs will be there. The raid is scheduled for night, to allow you the cover of darkness necessary to sneak up on the property. You - the BAU, Sex Crimes, and SWAT - arrive sirens off and park quite a ways down the road, then creep up and surround the main building. 

You catch the unsubs with their pants down, quite literally. They’re in the middle of taking turns with the professor ( _trying out the new ‘merchandise,’_ you think bitterly) and can’t reach their guns in time. It’s an easy arrest, and from the way one of the guys has already started whining, it won’t be hard at all to get the rest of the names out of him. 

You’re not sure how to feel about what comes next. 

What happens it this: one of the Sex Crimes agents calls for assistance from the basement - she’s found the rest of the victims

_No severe injuries from what I can see, but there’s more of them than we expected and a couple got scared when Mark followed me into the room, which is understandable. I need medics on stand-by and all female agents to come help me out with releasing them_

So you hurry off to the basement, Emily, JJ, and a few more agents from Sex Crimes hot at your heels. What you walk down to is a fairly large room with cells on either side - they must be custom built, because no right-minded contractor would have ever agreed to this. Then Claire - Sex Crimes agent - says

_The three women we knew about are here, as well as two men and an additional woman. One of the men keeps asking if the BAU is here, but won’t tell me his name. Maybe one of you can go talk to him while the rest of us figure out how to get these cages open_

You and JJ and Emily share a look - you hadn’t considered it before because you thought it was all female victims, but now you realize the similarities in the story. Both of them nod for you to go over, but you’re not paying attention. You’re practically running over to where Claire indicated he is

_(y/n)!_

is what he says as soon as he sees you, pressing himself into the bars of his cell as if he’ll somehow be able to melt through them, even though he obviously hasn’t been able to escape that way before. You can’t find your voice, just cautiously step forward (because no matter how amazed and excited you are to see him, you know his body is going to be scared of you, even though he knows intellectually that you’re not a threat) and raise a tentative hand for him. When you touch his hand he instinctively flinches away, but then surprises you by pressing himself closer, gripping your hand as if you’ll disappear if he lets go

_(y/n), (y/n) are you really here?_

And it jolts you out of your stupor - you need to make sure he knows this is real, that this part of his hell (because you know there’s a long road of recovery ahead, as much as you wish things could just go back to normal) is over and he’s coming home now

_Spencer, yes. Yes, I’m really here. All of us are, it’s time to go home_

He’s still jumpy and on-edge, but that relaxes him just a little. Like he’d been holding his breath all this time, and now he can finally let it go.

…

Day 101+1:

He’s mostly alright, physically at least, but they want to keep him (and the other victims) in the hospital for a few days just in case. (You can imagine what happened to him - even though he hasn’t been able to give his statement yet, a couple of the others have. You know he’s being screened for STDs, and that he keeps grimacing when he shifts his weight, not quite able to hide it).

He jolts whenever someone moves too suddenly, and he’s expressed severe anxiety over being left without one of you in the room with him (not that you have any intention of doing that, but they wouldn’t let any of you go with him for the SAFE kit, and it took almost an hour of reassuring him you’d be just outside the room before he was calm enough for them to do it), but you don’t care about any of that (well, you do care in the sense that his well being has been very negatively impacted, but not in the sense that it changes your opinion of him) because he’s _alive_ and he’s right here in front of you.

He’s both fearful of touch, and doesn’t want to let go of your hand. You keep feeling him flinch and then grip tighter, just like he did when you first found him. He hasn’t spoken very much outside of answering the doctor’s questions, so you’re startled when he starts talking all of the sudden.

_When I was…there, um. I was scared for my life and about…the things that were happening to me, and for the others too, especially when Gabby and Eva wouldn’t placate them anymore and he pulled his gun out and - um, yeah. But I was - I was so afraid I’d never see you again. And I think we’re gonna have to put the thing between us on hold because I can’t, um, I need to get better first, before I can deal with a relationship. But I need you - I need you to know that I love you, so much. I love you, (y/n)_

And you can’t help your tears and your grin. You huff out a chuckle and he’s starting to look a little worried

_Oh, um, it’s okay if you don’t feel the same way, I just needed you to know, you know? And I -_

_No, no that’s not it. It’s just that I was afraid of the same thing. I love you, too. I love you, Spencer Reid._

It’s not perfect, not even close. And it’s a little bittersweet because it’ll be awhile before he’s recovered enough to actually be in a relationship. 

But it is _special_ , and it is _enough_. 


End file.
